This time it's Sophie!

We have been taking our supplements now for nearly two months. Everyone is feeling healthier, but last week, something miraculous happened! My youngest, Sophie, has been struggling with some health challenges for a few years. More than three years ago she started having intense stomach aches. Like screaming bloody murder for hours. Early on, I took her in and each time the doctor did some tests, and called them stomach migraines, which means, "we don't know". I know enough about health, and having gone through IBS in the late 1990s I knew that gut health and probiotics  are critical. I started making sour Kraut and trying to get my authentically stubborn red head to eat healthy. My boys go on long fasts from sugar and center their lives around healthy eating and sports, but my girls....

Then two and a half years ago I noticed an alarming lump on her neck. She was snuggled up next to me in church and I found this large grape sized lymph node. It was so large you could see it from a few feet away. So I took her in, and they ran more tests. She had tons of blood work done which revealed dangerously low white blood cells. This led to more tests, including one for leukemia. They were all negative. So the functional medical doctor put her on lots of supplements to boost her immune system. The lymph node remained the same alarming size. She remained on the supplements for two years, with no change. I think her health was a little more stable, and we had a few less stomach migraines. We tried to incorporate lots of sour Kraut and fermented foods and immune boosting herbs.

Sophie started taking our new supplements a few weeks after I did and had been taking them for almost 6 weeks when one day I placed my hand on her neck and couldn't find the lymph node. Startled I searched more thoroughly. I found it, but it was very small. I was amazed! With grateful interest I watched it every day for the next few weeks as it disappeared completely. I can no longer find it at all! She hasn't had a stomach migraine in well over a month. She seems stronger and healthier. Once again, I did not expect this, but I am so grateful! Of all the improvements we have watched in awe, this one I am most grateful for. And I'm saving money too!

There is help out there! Sometimes it takes years of searching to find it, but I it is worth the search!

Since finding these supplements, my family and I have been on a healing journey. It has actually been a really fast one that has been quite miraculous. My mom called this morning to report the latest miracle, but I have to preface it.

My Dad has had hand tremors for several years. He has seen neurologists and had CAT scans but all they could tell him was good luck. He started taking our supplements about 8 or 9 days ago, mostly showing support to me, not really expecting to see any change or feel any different. Then my Mom called this morning to say that his hand tremors were gone! That is AMAZING! It is amazing to see what the body can heal when you give it what it needs. I can't wait to see what is next!

I am a do it yourself person. I have exhausted myself trying to help my family be healthy. I have taken many herbalist courses learning how to boost our immune systems and treat any aliment we might get. I have planted, harvested, and made medicines out of those herbs. I spend my days making sauer kraut, sour dough bread, and all our food from scratch. The list could go on and on. I do not regret any of it, but I am feeling a little tired, and after the birth of my 5th child, and then hitting 40, I am aging! Really aging!

I had an unexpected find that has been a remarkable blessing. I am not a supplement person, because I have always been so busy making them myself. But I have learned that I cannot do it all, no matter how hard I try. So when I saw the nutritional science behind a company our water polo coach introduced us to, I decided to give it a try. I did not expect the immediate results I received. In my younger days I loved, loved to exercise. I could run or swim for hours and it was FUN! I haven't felt that way in a very, very long time. After two weeks taking the food based supplement, I was having fun again, like I never, ever though I would the rest of my life. My lungs have been the weak link for me for a long time. Now, I feel like I can push myself and it feels good. What?! I am enjoying exercise like I haven't since my early twenties. I really can't express that well enough. It was miraculous to me.

I have a list of things that I am hoping these supplements do for our family. I don't expect to see immediate results, but have already been pleasantly surprised. I was already spending a considerable amount on omega oils like fish oils and other things that are hard to get into our diet. These supplements rang true with everything I have learned over the years, all in one place. It sounds cliche, but I feel like everything I have learned prepared me to find this. The best part about it right now is...I don't have to do it all myself!

End From the Beginning

We are a swimming family. All of my boys have been swimmers. Good ones. Garrett, my oldest took state in the 100 breast stroke two years, and placed in other events. Reuben, my second son took 2nd his junior year, and 6th his sophomore year in the 100 breast stroke. Tobler my freshman, took 11th in the 100 and 200 freestyle. They have learned to do really hard things, and love it! They also have made amazing friends. This has actually been my favorite part. Somehow, swimming in our area, draws amazing kids.

One of those amazing kids is a senior this year named David. He was a good friend to my son who graduated last year. They swam together in club and high school swimming for three years. Last year, Garrett was really concerned that David might not qualify for state. He had worked so hard and was so close. He went to state as an alternate his sophomore year, and just as Garrett was concerned, also his junior year. How could someone who worked so hard, swimming twice a day, sometimes for a total of 12,000 yards, not drop time and make it to state?

This year, Reuben and Tobler became really close to David, as Garrett had been. They came home one day talking nervously about David making it to state his senior year. Surely, this year he would make it. He had swam all summer, working really hard. When region came around, David did not drop the time he needed to in both the 200 and 500 free. It didn't help that my freshman son counted wrong for him and he swam an extra lap (the clock stopped at the right time, but he still had to swim and extra lap!). Add insult to injury! We had prayed and hoped that he would drop time, and were devastated that he did not. So, for the third time, he went to state as an alternate.

As parents, we teach our children that with work, they can do anything they want. We tell them that they just have to believe it and set goals. We just know if they sacrifice, they will achieve their goals. What happens when that doesn't work? I stewed over this for a few weeks, until State. As I was sitting watching the events, I related some of this tale to my sister in law, who sings with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the best choir in the world. She gave me hope.

Jen told me that when she was in high school, she tried out every year for the madrigal choir. All of her siblings had sung in that choir and she wanted to do the same. Every year she was rejected. Then, 20 years later, after a rigorous three part tryout process, she was invited to sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. This she has done for about seven years now. It has been an amazing experience, which she has shared with all of us in her family. This description really doesn't do it justice. The spirit she has felt, and opportunities she has had over those years with the choir, touring the world, practicing, and performing defy words. "So"..., she said to me, "you don't know the end from the beginning. This is a really hard thing for David, but you don't know what experiences are coming that will eclipse this one. And because of this hard thing, he will appreciate it so much more." If we take one segment of life, one snap shot in isolation, it may look tragic, or unfair. But if we look at life as a whole, we see that God has a compensation program. The trouble is, we can't see the end from the beginning. We must live on faith. So, I look forward to what life has in store for David, knowing it will be great!

It is amazing how many thoughts impressed themselves into my mind the day we dropped Garrett off. I think I loved Dan (my husband) more on that day than any other. I was profoundly grateful for him. I am so grateful for the father that he has been and is. It changed my prospective on our marriage. Since then I feel less judgmental of him, more able to just let him go through things on his own time table.

That day was also the parenting reset I needed. I have spent too much time lately just wanting peaceful alone time. I have wanted my kids to be self sufficient, just for my sake. I came away from that day more committed to the ideals I had when I started parenting. I will spend more time being present with my children. More time teaching, reading, and playing. I realized that time with my children is finite, and that I don't get back what is lost. I don't want to regret  lost time. I will be a more engaged parent because of this experience.

A friend shared something with me that makes a lot of sense. She said that experiencing loss actually cemented her siblings together. That it awakened in them the need to cling to each other. I can see how that could be true. As we pray for Garrett, and each of the kids in family prayer, I think it does bring us all closer.

I have never loved my husband more than on the day we put Garrett on a plane to Uruguay. It was nearly unbearably hard, and the strength of my husband was a life line. I don’t know how I would have done it without him. All the love I have felt for him over the last 20+ years overflowed inside me. Seeing how Garrett felt about him, and the united feeling we all felt made me love Dan as the father of my children. He has been a good father. He is not perfect, but he has been good. Very good. He has strengths where I have weaknesses and vice versa. He also seemed to accept who I was, and let me have this very hard time. He didn’t try to fix it or expect me to fix it. He just let me grieve.

Saying goodbye to Garrett was hard, but it was also this culminating thing. This moment we have worked for since before he was born. It was amazing to be altogether in every way for it. It made all the difficult times worth sticking it out for. I felt a sadness for all those people who gave up in the difficult middle part. They missed this amazing, culminating time at the end. Sometimes there is good reason for divorcing, but I wonder if people could experience the end, in the middle, if they might just see that it is worth hanging it there100 times over. I think many things are like that. We get in the middle and thing, I can’t do this. But we don’t stay in the messy middle forever. The reward at the end is more rewarding than I could have imagined.

We are the Dotson Family

We have three boys and two girls. When Garrett(our oldest) was born, my whole world shifted to center around him. When Garrett was a few months old, I was asked to sub a few days for the teacher I did my student teaching for. I told him I couldn't and he pleaded for me to do just two hours each day. I consented and after one day I had to refuse the second. I could not stand being separated from that boy!

Fast forward 18 years, and now it is time to say goodbye for two years while Garrett serves a mission for the LDS Church in Uruguay. He is prepared and ready. I have been preparing for this moment for a long time.

 We took time to be together and say goodbye. We had amazing experiences together in the Cedar City Temple, and the Manti Temple.

When it came down to having him leave, it was the hardest thing I have EVER done. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't eat for days. Today is day four, and I still feel like I am 1/2 a second away from a panic attack at any given moment. I think to myself, "Have thousands and thousands of mothers really survived this?".

Today, the thought came to me. "How can I withhold my son from the God who gave me His?"

It will be hard, but that brings to mind the Phillips Brooks quote, "We never become truly spiritual by sitting down and wishing to become so. You must undertake something so great that you cannot accomplish it unaided.".

This is that for me. I cannot do it alone. So each day I will turn to God. I will serve in the temple and study with passionate conviction. I know we grow best when doing hard things. I will repeat my daughter's piano jingle, "I can do hard things".  I know that I will come to closer to God as I do this. Knowing God will make it easier to share my son.

The song Gethsemane helps me understand the sacrifice made for us, and makes mine seem much smaller.

I know that sometimes anxiety will grip me and I will panic. I know that sometimes I will just need to cry. But I know he and I will look back on this time, as an invaluable time. A time we grew more than any other. I am surrounded with friends and family who help me through each day. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow.

Because I have three sons who will leave consecutively, I have decided blogging this journey will help me through it. I need to have time to think about Garrett and share what I am learning.