We are the Dotson Family

We have three boys and two girls. When Garrett(our oldest) was born, my whole world shifted to center around him. When Garrett was a few months old, I was asked to sub a few days for the teacher I did my student teaching for. I told him I couldn't and he pleaded for me to do just two hours each day. I consented and after one day I had to refuse the second. I could not stand being separated from that boy!

Fast forward 18 years, and now it is time to say goodbye for two years while Garrett serves a mission for the LDS Church in Uruguay. He is prepared and ready. I have been preparing for this moment for a long time.

 We took time to be together and say goodbye. We had amazing experiences together in the Cedar City Temple, and the Manti Temple.

When it came down to having him leave, it was the hardest thing I have EVER done. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't eat for days. Today is day four, and I still feel like I am 1/2 a second away from a panic attack at any given moment. I think to myself, "Have thousands and thousands of mothers really survived this?".

Today, the thought came to me. "How can I withhold my son from the God who gave me His?"

It will be hard, but that brings to mind the Phillips Brooks quote, "We never become truly spiritual by sitting down and wishing to become so. You must undertake something so great that you cannot accomplish it unaided.".

This is that for me. I cannot do it alone. So each day I will turn to God. I will serve in the temple and study with passionate conviction. I know we grow best when doing hard things. I will repeat my daughter's piano jingle, "I can do hard things".  I know that I will come to closer to God as I do this. Knowing God will make it easier to share my son.

The song Gethsemane helps me understand the sacrifice made for us, and makes mine seem much smaller.

I know that sometimes anxiety will grip me and I will panic. I know that sometimes I will just need to cry. But I know he and I will look back on this time, as an invaluable time. A time we grew more than any other. I am surrounded with friends and family who help me through each day. I am grateful for the opportunity to grow.

Because I have three sons who will leave consecutively, I have decided blogging this journey will help me through it. I need to have time to think about Garrett and share what I am learning.